I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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