How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How does one acquire holy water?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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