..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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