I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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