why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
