I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
