Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
only you would photoshop your dick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
