dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
