I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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