I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
