I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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