I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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