Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
