I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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