Cold hands, warm shart.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
