just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize