its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
