All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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