I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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