Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
