just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
