I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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