i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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