i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need help removing her.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
