o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
