But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
