also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
