she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
