She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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