i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
