he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
