the day after is always just damage control
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
