At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
