I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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