I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i may or may not be watching the land before time
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
