My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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