Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
