Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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