It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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