Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
