Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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