How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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