Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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