wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
