Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
