It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
