is your mom at the bar?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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