just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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