Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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