Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
