my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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