There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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