I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
