Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
