Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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