Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
