I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
