Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
