Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize