Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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