There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize