Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
