That's intense
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
