somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
