When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
