so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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