69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
