You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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