For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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