She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
