So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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