How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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