He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize