I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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