I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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